1.18.2011

Aural Sex

Everybody knows retired (boohoo) porn star (yes, I reserve that term for him and few others) Colton Ford can sing and make music. He actually did that before making porn.

Here's Colton in a remix by the amazing Rich Morel:

Ford's also really good live; no need for studio sweetening for this stud.

Cutie Johnny Hazard is also a singer. He's not bad with that whispery dance sex song. It's called "Deeper Into You." Get it?



Here's Johnny getting grossed out by str8 porn ...with his mother. Adorable!

And, the Best Little Bottom in the World, Dean Monroe, can also lipsynch his own self in a not un-talented way:


It would be a real new turn-on to have Dean pealing out a love song while getting plowed, doncha think?

But the latest piece of resistance (resist!) is Zeb Atlas.




Yes, after getting a hideous arm tattoo that looks like the result of fisting a Samoan inkwell, Zeb Atlas has made a music video, a cover of the classic Diana Ross song, "Love Hangover."

It's astonishingly awful, and proof that Autotune can musicalize even a cement block.

You have to see his odd manner of squinting through one eye and "snarling" one side of his lip in a way that resembles a character on some "House" episode with an obscure disease.

Congrats, though, to Zeb, not for this blunder, but for finally actually sucking a penis in his latest porneaux.

It's too bad Ford doesn't make porn anymore, because he would be great in the lead of a musical gay porn movie, with Johnny and Dean in supporting roles, and Zeb as... well, Zeb. I mean, the studios have to do something to counter their landslide of lost sales from indie and online porn.

I'm thinking a sort of sex-action-dance number pseudo-Bollywood wide-screen classic based on some epic story. Maybe if the frighteningly emaciated Chi Chi LaRue ever gets her muse back, she could direct. Jeff Stryker could return from obscurity and play the gay male pooper-popping version of Helen Lawson.

Perhaps a 'West Side Story' parody where the songs result in not gang fights, but gang bangs.
I smell Oscar! And he's not even on the set.

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