Jack Strong

With so much free porn out there, it leaves me overwhelmed with a way to categorize the hump junk I download. Young? Check. Frat types? Check. Fashion Don'ts? Double-check!

But, what is it with so many "straight-acting dudes" wearing a frackin' rubber band? like they all suddenly care about causes and cancer? Or do they share a common concern with Lance Armstrong in that their greatest valued resource is their balls?

But here's asomething I discovered while noticing a common accessory trend among the jackoff artistes of the 'net.

It's common knowledge that a good regular prostate massage (i.e, a lubed finger up your butt, poking around and tingling your hole until you cum) is a preventative to prostate cancer. Maybe that's why less gay guys get prostate cancer.

But did you know that simply jacking off can prevent cancer as well?

"The survey says cancer-causing chemicals could build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly.

And they say sexual intercourse may not have the same protective effect because of the possibility of contracting a sexually transmitted infection, which could increase men's cancer risk.

Australian researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer and 1,250 who had not about their sexual habits. They found those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop the cancer.

The protective effect was greatest while the men were in their 20s. Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life."

Dudes dig Lance Armstrong, who, while single and minglin', hung out with erroneously gay-rumoured pals Jake Ghylenhall and Matthew McConahay. While a hot celeb threeway between the two makes for a five-balled fantasy, hey, they're just buds, allegedly. And the guys who jack off for pay; they're just dudes who need some cash, or so goes the PR for sites that hawk their masturbatory talents.

Then there are the guys who just do it for free. They really like to share their jackin' talent, and that's cool.

I think the multiple cancer foundations should do their part and make jackoff porn. Lance and Matt should make a movie jacking off together, to show our nation's horny young cock-stroking guys the various pleasurable techniques to prevent cancer.

Lance should take his bromance to its ultimate next stage, lube up his fingers, and give McBongo a nice warm finger-fucking, and on film. The two celeb buds should jack each other off, and it should be shown in schools across the world.

What's the best tool for cancer prevention? Your tool.

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