It's a tough job being the former chairman of one of the planet's largest pharmaceutical conglomorates.
It's even harder to work toward preventing AIDS globally by, wait, not giving away AIDS medications, but by telling impoverished Africans and American teens to just apply the "abstinence only" theory to preventing STDs and pregancies. I mean really, just don't have sex!
That's why Randall "Randy" Tobias needed "massages" from prostitutes. Really. He says there was "no sex" with the women he hired from now-blathering tell-all madame Deborah Jeane Palfrey.
Tobias is one of Bushco's highest ranking officials - that is, he was head of Chimpy's foreign aid programs, until he abruptly resigned when it was revealed that allegedly had hot and heavy fuck sessions with lady ho's.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love sex, even if heterosexuals are doing it. I think prostitution should be legalized and regulated; keep those whores clean and happy!
But when a high-powered former AIDS med exec spews the "Just Say No Sex" rhetoric one day, then gets his dingus wanked by Central American and U.S. call girlinas, it's just yet another example of the massive cum-stained rightwing hypocrisy running rampant in Chimpy's increasingly pervert-filled regime.
The response from the rightwingers over this? "Clinton got a blow job! Wheaaahh!"
See, if paid sex was regulated and legal, the taxes raised on it could fund AIDS prevention programs that included condoms, which of course would never happen in a rightwing regime, because these tools think they can wish away sex when they don't like it, but get it on the sly when they want it.
They have to align themselves with the Christian fundamentalist scions of truth like Ted Haggard -- oh wait. He repeatedly rented a male whore.
They have to align themselves with the warriors of morality like the Catholic Church - oh, wait. They've settled more than $350 million in more than 4,000 sexual abuse lawsuits.
I guess it'll have to be up to us liberals to defend a person's right to pay cash for cock or cooze.
I mean, look at the fun and amusing sexcapades in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, a musical that includes the most rampant male nudity since Oh, Calcutta!
Of course, I see no reason for the horny footballin' Aggies not to satiate their lustful desires right there in the locker room while they're shucking off their jock straps, singing and dancing naked. Why ride 25 miles on a bus to get to heaven, when they're already there?
But there's no accounting for taste.
And there's no accounting for lying, two-faced Rethuglican perverts who damage the lives of horny teenagers and women who can't negotiate "no sex" in third world countries.
There's no accounting for greed-mongering pharmaceutical corporations not giving away their life-saving drugs in the face of a global pandemic that's wiping out entire nations.
There's no accounting for a bilious regime like Bushco giving a position of AIDS prevention to the head honcho of a comglomorate that profits from disease.
But if indicted madame Palfrey keeps revealing the pages of her little black client book, there may be a lot more Randy Repervlicans on the chopping block.
Gee, I wonder if Fox News will be covering this. Nope, they'll still reporting parody articles from The Onion as actual news. Dumbass twits.
No, Fox prefers to let real whores on their shows who pretend to be Marine heroes.
Somebody give those goons a crate of loofas.