Nice Basket

Happy Pagan Spring Ritual Ripped off by Christians Weekend!

Why do you think the creator of a chocolate Jesus sculpture got death threats from Christians?

Because they know such a serious work of art questioning the hybrid of Pagan rite (eggs, bunnies, chocolate, etc.) bastardized into the appropriated myth of Jesus rising from the grave (dozens of other "gods" did this millennia before Zero A.D.) would diminish the threat of power they have over their minions.

You see, a former Nazi in drag (Ratzinger) can declare a face-of-Jesus on a taco shell to be a miracle. Catholics eat wafers representing the body of christ every mass. But if an artist makes a non-church approved image of the guy out of food, it's sacrelige. Mm-kay?

Jesus, if he existed, had a wife and kids. Look it up. And if you believe he flew out of a crypt and up to heaven, good for you. I believe heaven is full of big-dicked Brazilian strippers, but that doesn't make it true.

Other pre-Jesus messiahs:

Osiris, the Egyptian god was born out of a virgin in a cave or cowshed. His birth was prophesied by a star. During marriage ceremonies, he could perform miracles turning water into wine. His followers were baptized. He was described like a quiet man with long hair and a beard, precisely like Jesus. He had twelve disciples and was unjustly accused of heresy. He was hung on a tree or crucified, and he died for the sins of the world. After death, he descended into hell and resurrected on the third day. He appeared to his disciples and thereafter ascended into heaven. Osiris died and resurrected on the same dates as Jesus. During the end-times, Osiris shall return to earth and judge the human race. The pyramid texts, which describe the life, death, and resurrection of Osiris were written before 2,500 B.C.

Mithra, the Persian god, whose birthday is on 25 December, was also born in a cave out of virgin. He traveled a lot and acted as a teacher of mankind. Naturally, he too had twelve disciplines. Mihra was called the savior and sometimes he figured as a lamb. He was buried in a tomb from which he rose again. His resurrection was celebrated each year.

Krishna, the Indian god was born in a cave. His mother was a virgin and a star announced his birth. A massacre of infants took place because Krishna as baby was ordered to be killed. He performed miracles wherever he went. He could heal sick people, deaf and blind and raise the dead. He taught spirituality and devoted his time to the poor and oppressed. According to some ancient texts, Krishna was killed by an arrow, other sources tell he was crucified. He descended into hell and rose again from the dead, ascending into heaven in the sight of the people. Krishna is believed to come during the final days and judge. Krishna lived and died at least 14 centuries before Jesus Christ.

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