Tumblin' Dicks

Oh, the sheer rambling randomness of Tumblr!

It seems that Tumblr has replaced blogging as the new online porn. As Facebook posts are reduced (or duplicated) as random Tweets, now nude dudes are just popping up in a prolific volume that defies categorization. And that's frustrating for me, because I'm all about context. Why is this guy naked? Where is he? How come he's fucking that guy, etc.

Still, I love 'em: Flaccid Affairs, Hot Men X2 and Bad Dogs are just a few of the best. Each one reposts a post from another blog, leading to a Gordian Knot-like game of Weenie Roullette.

I like to know things about nudes. Is the guy a model? A pro whore? European? Some Grindr trick you passed up? your third cousin? Even though Tumblr blogs often claim categorization, they more often just offer a scroll of one hot dude with no context after another. Old Colt models, chunky bears, hung twinks, showering jocks, and the plethora of (often deservedly) narcissistic iPhone self-documenters.

Once in a while, a few amateurs are exhibitionistic enough to post multiple nude self-portraits. We, the voyeurs, then get a sense of the whole man and his holes. It's like collecting baseball cards, with big thick, sometimes, cum-spurting bats.

Here are just two very different guys who, fortunately, shared more than just one nudie pic with the Interwebs. Above is a hairy gorgeous lean dude. Below is a husky Wolverine. Both are completely different, yet completely fuckable.

(Hehe; update Bad Dog mentioned my mention of his blog. I got a boner. Okay, I already had one while scrollin' through his new stuff.)



Ryan Idol Goes to Jail

(source: Sacramento Bee) A Sacramento Superior Court jury convicted a one-time gay porn star Tuesday of attempted murder for smashing his girlfriend over the head with a toilet tank lid.

Marc Anthony Donais, 47, known in his x-rated movies as Ryan Idol, was taken into custody and held without bail after his conviction for the Sept. 5, 2009 attack in the woman's home on 48th Street in Sacramento.

According to testimony at trial, the 41-year-old woman had broken up with Donais, who claimed to be bisexual. She testified she moved out of their West Sacramento condo when he knocked on her door the night of the attack while she was taking a bath.

She told jurors she let Donais into the house and that he immediately told her he wanted to kill her. He testified at trial that he thought she had pulled a knife on him during their discussion in her bathroom and that he grabbed the toilet tank lid and hit her with it out of self defense.

Donais is a former model who once appeared as a centerfold in Playgirl magazine, according to assorted web sites. Several of the sites described him as a popular actor in gay pornograhic films who appeared in several movies in the 1990s under his stage name of Ryan Idol.

"Score 10?" More like 9-14, with a few years off for good behavior.


Cop Hump

Oh, goody. More cops fucking.

Well, not exactly fucking, but humping ladies at a parade in New York.

Of course, we gays know better how to tease cops more thoroughly, and get them to bare their weapons.

Of course, instead of fucking chicks on their cars, some cops just like to jack off in their cars.



He's hot, or was. He's naked in LIFE.

Tumblr blog I Got the Bullets shares the titillating fact that the Google Life magazine archives have a bunch of fascinating vintage photos of world famous actors and athletes ..stark naked, or nearly so.

Hockey great Bobby Hull! So adorable!

Astronaut John Glenn sleeping in his undies!

Pat (then hot, young, and not a rightwing asshole) Boone naked in the shower!

Steve McQueen's hot buns!

Baseball great Bob Maris soaping up naked in the shower!

Great stuff. Let me know what other treasures you find!


Cop Rock Cock

In the "Heterosexually Privileged Public Sex Acts Department," case #267934968...

"He's in uniform, in public, and definitely caught in flagrante. But investigators said the state police officer caught on camera having sex on the hood of a car did not commit a crime."

Apparently, Santa Fe, New Mexico is the new hotbed of wild public sex for municipal employees. Bert Lawrence Lopez was videotaped by security cameras fucking a woman in (ew) ballet slippers, while her chihuahua -or a prairie dog- watched. So, basically, this is a case of man on car with dog/voyeur sex.

One news station repeatedly stated in its segment that the images "MAY BE OFFENSIVE," then proceeded to show the screencap a dozen times in two minutes.

No charges. Mmm. Okay. So, is it because he is straight that he wasn't charged? Is there some specific note in the Santa Fe police officers manual that states, "You may bang a chick on the hood of your car, in daylight, in public"?

"The pictures show a state cop wrapped up in an inappropriate position, having sex on the top of a car in public. The photos were taken by a security camera at the out of the way Canyon Ranch, which is owned by Santa Fe county.

State police are not releasing the officer's name, but News 13 has learned it's Bert Lopez. The 8-year vet was state police officer of the year in the Santa Fe district in 2010. Even though state police won't confirm it's him, NMSP Sgt. Tim Johnson did tell News 13 that Lopez is currently, “On administrative leave.”

Johnson wouldn't say if the officer was officially on duty but did say “An employee who did something like this in uniform would be considered on duty.” The pictures surfaced about two weeks ago, and Johnson said, “An internal investigation was initiated immediately.” [Yeah, I'm sure they watched it a lot!]

State police have completed that investigation, and Johnson says “At this point we do not believe any criminal activity occurred.”

State Police are not identifying the woman in the pictures, and won't comment on her relationship to the officer. They do say the woman was not involved in any of the officer's cases.

Santa Fe County Sheriff Robert Garcia said he will not cite the officer for indecent exposure or public lewdness because there was no victim; no one was around to see it."

So, if an ass thrusts in the desert and no one's there to smack it, did it thrust at all? Quite existential, or just a re-enactment of a Reno 911 episode.

Here's the alleged stud photographed in a previous and unrelated story.

He's cute in a Kevin James kind of way. His sexiness is more contextual. 'Yes, Officer, I was speeding. Yes, Officer, I'd be happy to fellate you in exchange for not getting a ticket.' Thus ensues the plot of a gajillion porn movie scenes, gay straight and otherwise.

While I'm going to refrain from detailing my own hilariously sexy experiences with men in uniform right now, I should state that I find public sex to be a good thing; so long as no youngsters or horses are nearby to get frightened.
I think we need to adopt something like the Swedes did, a "hooker zone," where lonely men can negotiate with lady ho's. As for gays, we always find a place.

But the thing that bugs me about this is, if it were a gay sex hump caught on tape, they'd both be in jail right now. You know it's true.

It'd also be hotter ... or not. At least they'd pose in a more photogenic angle.

UPDATE: Oops. Bert got canned. Oh, well, maybe he can do porn and show us his can.

But more important, how will the Chihuahua ever recover from the trauma?

Up-UPDATE: OMG, Bert is frakkin' hawt!

Apparently, before getting fired, he was awarded a "Challenge Coin" for services beyond the call of duty.

I'll say!