Prince Albert in Your Can

Is every guy who has a pierced cock insane?
Not really.
Just every guy with a pierced dick whom I've dated.

Oh, and this guy:



"Australian police Sergeant Andrew Lawrance might lose his job after offending his boss when he attached a bottle opener to his penis piercing and opened a beer with it at a police Christmas party. What a way to get canned.

Apparently Lawrance told a group of his colleagues and their wives about his piercing at the party and they asked to see it, so he went to an empty bathroom stall, attached the opener, and returned to demonstrate his patented way to pop open a brewski. This was way back in 2008, but Lawrance had to testify about the incident in front of a police commission this week after his boss took offense to the trick, even though he didn't see it.

Strangely enough, this wasn't the first time Lawrance got in trouble for his little "trick," and he even got counseling after doing the same thing several years ago. Some people just never learn! Lawrance thinks losing his job over the incident would be "harsh," but don't worry about him too much: He already has a part-time job. Working in a bottle shop. No lie! I really hope he comes to America and goes to some crappy party where a guy pulls out his tiny junk piercing and then Lawrance steps up, gets all Crocodile Dundee, and goes, "That's not a dick piercing. Now this is a dick piercing.""



Seriously, ask any grown man to make a choice: Kiss your mother on the lips or spike a nail through your wiener. 99 times out of a hundred, they'd rather kiss their mom.
not the guys four I dated with jewel jewelry. Each one was/is nutso in his own special sexy way.



While there were so many other reasons to stop dating them, the real truth is, I've always said, when pals asked me why Hottie #470 isn't my arm candy anymore, is that sex with them was like sucking off a bottle opener. And this hot Aussie cop is literally a bottle opener.

But the copper's in luck, having gotten job offers to work in a New York bar. Why he got hassled for whipping out his cock in a bar only proves that he hasn't been to the bars I patronize.

Hell, i'm sure there's a fetish DVD already out there called Prince Albert in Your Can.